Extra Curricular Activities

Posted: July 26, 2012 in Writing
Tags: ,

I have to periodically remind myself to lay off the self-chastisement when I don’t produce as much as my calculations had figured I woulda shoulda oughta have by now.
Because no matter what I do produce, it is never enough, it doesn’t take into consideration (or give me credit for) the 50-hour work week which real-life requires from time to time, and the world isn’t going to end if I go slower than I originally intended, in my extra-curricular activities. This is a very difficult thing to accept when you so desperately want to liberate yourself from the grind for good, and live on a mountainside lakes writing poetry from your canoe, but there you are. Time is finite, and you get the best results when you do slow down and focus on one thing at once.

So I am working on a film script which will hopefully be a big deal when it is done. I’m over a third of the way into my first draft, not quite halfway. But some days it doesn’t feel like it will ever be done because it is too much work, and there is the real battle to be fought – inertia. I was working with a writing partner, but they didn’t initially appreciate the effort involved, and so had to respectfully step down. That’s OK, life happens, but I had kinda hoped to share that workload. But payday, if it arrives, will feel great.
But there is also something about this business I have observed: The times you need a boost of energy or feedback, you may sit and write a great story and send it out, but then you get nothing back for months. By the time you hear back you have almost forgotten about it altogether, so while it is equally nice to receive the feedback, you never get what you need at the exact moment you need it. Like you never get the good review when you feel like shit; it comes afterwards, when you have dealt with feeling like shit on your own. You never get the financial bonus when your car dies; you get it when things are going OK, and you have dealt with the crap by nothing but your own volition and wits. Shame you can’t put self-esteem in the bank for when you need it the most.

So sometime in August / September, I hope to type “The End” on the script, (but not until I have earned the right to do so, and not by jumping ahead for gratification.)


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